Do you find yourself angry and blast on to someone and then think oh that was unnecessary, i could’ve handled it in a better way. Guess what everybody at some point have felt the same thing. To know better about anger management we need to know about anger in the first place. Anger is an emotion and getting angry is completely normal. Just like how you feel happy or sad or jealous you feel angry too. There is nothing wrong in that.
As somebody said “Even if it is the divine nectar, when consumed in limits beyond necessary it turns into poison”. Likewise problem starts when it starts to get out of your hands.
What happens when you are angry?
- Amygdala is responsible for detection of a threat. It sends out an alarm through out our brain when it thinks we are in danger so as to protect ourselves.
- Catecholamines are released that results in a blast of energy and at the same time the fight or flight response is triggered.
- This in turn leads to increased release of adrenaline and noradrenaline.
- As a result, heart rate increases, attention focuses, quick breathing and a halt of digestion to save energy. Blood flow increases throughout our body readying our muscles for action.
- Blood flow to our face also increases which is why some people appear flushed when they are angry.
Have you ever wondered when someone claims to say that you have said or done something while you were angry about which you have no idea, you just don’t remember it at all. This is because a high level of arousal makes it hard for new memories to be formed.
- Amygdala works so fast that we start to react physically before our prefrontal cortex (a part that helps us in reasoning, decision making…) recognize the threat.
- It takes 300 milliseconds to be aware of a threat but our amygdala is much faster and need only 20 milliseconds to react to the same threat.
- This also mean that we don’t really have the time to think about the consequences, amygdala overrides prefrontal cortex.
- The good news is that we can have a control over this. Some actions like chewing a gum can activate the parasympathetic nervous system which is the opposite to flight or fight response.
- By chewing gum the body is prepared for digestion which does not happen in flight or fight response.
Anger and daily life
Will you stand someone’s outbursts? Exactly. No one takes your outbursts. If you are angry then its your problem not the ones whom it is directed to. Anger can destroy a persons career, a beautiful relationships whatever it may be friendship, love…, parents gets divorced which affects the child and their life negatively, accidental or intentional murders happen. Researches claim that people with anger issues have a shorter life span.
Anger management – How can i do this?
- Delay the response: Right when you are about to respond just try to hold back for some seconds. Don’t say or do anything. Give it time to think allow your prefrontal cortex to get into work.
- Shift your perspective: Rather than thinking and worrying about it constantly, accept that is has happened to you and it is not good but there is always a way around.
- Anticipate the conflict: You expect something from someone say a mother expecting good marks from her child or someone to help you back when you need as you have helped them in desperate situations. When your expectations don’t match with reality you face there will be a upsurge in anger. To put it simply do not keep expectations. I know it is hard for not to expect anything from anyone but try and bring this change.
- Try to stay away from conflicts: You are a person with extreme anger issues and you face conflicts, e.g. 2 people fighting over something or you sense that a conversation is starting to turn into a fight, you have an option to walk away from it or turn it to different direction. You can even openly state that we can continue this conversation some other time with a clear head and mind.
- Calm your mind by practicing mediation or any exercise of your choice. Counting numbers reversely can also help, starting from 100 or 200. Music therapy also helps.
- You are still angry about something that happened earlier and cant seem to let it out consider venting your anger on a punching bag, pop bubbles on a bubble wrap, squeeze smiley rubber balls, go for a long run so as to redirect your focus.
- If nothing can calm your anger then you have to consult a therapist. Seek help don’t be shameful in helping you out. Love yourself so you can love others. Take care of yourself so that you are healthy and lively to take care of your loved ones.
A note to people who wish to calm your friend’s or relatives with extreme anger issues, remember one thing. Even if your intention is to help them they won’t understand it because they are not in their right senses. They will be unable to think at that time. So you can either provide them with things to vent their anger out or be ready deal with them shouting at you, pushing you away or even hurting you. Never approach them if you are not sure that you can calm them down this only worsens the situation.
They won’t be ready to hear you unless they are in their right mind. Whatever you say they wont take it to their head or heart. First step in controlling ones anger is always in their hands and then when they are a bit calm you can be their helping hand.
Written by Gayathri Gopinadh