We all have heard about emotional intelligence (EI) but what exactly is this? This concept was explained by Peter Salovey and John Mayer. They were the ones who coined this term in 1990. It was popularised by Daniel Goleman through his book in 1995. Emotional intelligence also known as emotional quotient (EQ) is the ability, capacity or skill to perceive, assess and manage emotions of oneself and of others.
Image Source: Balancing IQ and EQ in the workplace | in Focus By Marksmen Daily
Now you might be wondering what is the difference between IQ and EQ? Let me explain. IQ is a person’s problem solving ability measured through standardised psychometric tests. It assess a person’s capacity for reasoning but does not assess how a person interacts with others. This were EQ comes in.
Two main theories in EI
Trait EI and ability EI.
Trait EI – It considers emotional intelligence a trait you either have in higher or lower quantities like an aspect of your personality. This is more of a fixed mindset in which you consider that either you are born with higher EI or born with lower EI.
Ability EI – This does not views intelligence as fixed trait instead as an ability that can be cultivated. The 4 components of ability EI are:
i) Ability to perceive emotion: Can you identify emotions accurately in you and others surrounding you.
ii) Facilitating thought using emotion: you use emotional information to take part in things like reasoning, problem solving, decision making, considering others perspective.
iii) Understanding emotions: Processing and understanding emotions.
iv) Managing emotions: Coping up with their emotions, regulating them, deciding whether to express them or not.
Image source: https://www.modernmindmasters.com/what-is-emotional-intelligence/
Low EI v/s. High EI
Taking an example that could happen in real life. Say you and your friend are going out together and your friend seem upset about something. A person who have low EI might not even notice or they might misinterpret them thinking they are angry at them even though they are displaying signs of sadness. This often end up them doing something that will be less effective in that situation. On the contrary, a person with high EI sense this emotion right away and decides to ask them if they are okay or not, maybe talk a little about it or if other person isn’t ready to talk about it, they act accordingly so as to decrease the weight of the situation, give them space or find ways to loosen up them a bit.
Four domains of emotional intelligence
Explained by Daniel Goleman these are the 4 domain of EI and under these 4 domains is what lies 12 particular traits that are seen in high EQ people.
1. Self – awareness: Knowing what you are feeling and know how it shapes your thoughts, impulse to act and your perspective.
- Emotional self-awareness.
2. Self-management: Can you handle your emotions when you are angry, upset or when you feel anxious? Can you keep them from disrupting your focus on what you have to do right now? An example is road rage, sudden blowing up of people on people.
- Emotional self-control.
- Adaptability.
- Achievement orientation.
- Positive outlook.
3. Social awareness: In one sense it means practicing empathy. You know how the person feels or thinks and also you care about them. The very thing that we all are yearning for in our parents, spouse, friends, lovers, doctors, teachers, leaders or in any kind of relationship.
- Empathy.
- Organisational awareness.
4. Relationship management: Are you able to handle conflicts well? Keep yourself calm through it, ready to hear the other person out on their perspective and channel an effective communication amidst all of this.
- Influence.
- Coach and mentor.
- Conflict management.
- Teamwork.
- Inspirational leadership.
Is it good to have a high Emotional Intelligence?
Well it has its own pros and cons.
Advantages
- You can easily understand how other person feel and what are they going through without essentially having to explain it to you word by word.
- This is the most useful and the most needed trait while looking for leadership.
- If you are a person with high EQ you will understand what ticks the other person off and can act accordingly.
- In a group setting, when different opinions tend to clash, you can understand or at least try to understand their perspective which serves as an advantage to you and now you can use as a conflict resolution skill leading to a decreased chance of conflict and increased chance of understanding among all.
- Helps you manage stress.
- Physical and mental well-being
- People with high EI are often adept at understanding what they feel and accept them and move on with it rather than being stuck and running around in loops.
- Increased quality of communication
- Many people may look upto you and find you as a good influence in their lives.
- Creates a positive atmosphere
- Good listener
Disadvantages
- It can be overwhelming at times.
- You understand how others feel but when you also need to take some necessary steps that might not favour other person e.g. in your workplace or in a relationship… In other words it breaks you to break their heart.
- Expressing what you feel exactly about anything that they’ve done might be a task to you thinking that it might hurt others feelings.
- Often find hard to say no.
- Some people take advantage of the fact that you are an empath and trick you to do things for them.
- Some researches has stated that high level of EQ can also be used for manipulative purposes as well.
Emotional intelligence is something that can be learnt. There are multiple ways you can start with. Think about yourself. Have you ever faced a situation where you are completely broken and you go and share that breaking pain with someone but end up getting criticised by them or they didn’t give it any importance and say you are crying for nothing or something silly? You can learn from this. Be that person who you would wish to see. A good listener, putting yourself in their shoes and assessing what would you feel if you are the one facing it. This is not easy at the beginning but keep on practicing and you will see in yourself the person you were searching for in this whole world.
Written by Gayathri Gopinadh